God bless America.

Stephen Colbert's "AmeriCone Dream" is ice cream that makes you want to punch a communist. As I eat this delectable declaration of my independence (from foul tasting sweets), I come to question WHY America is so great. Or rather, how. How did a bunch of statesmen and farmers forge this, particularly infamous, nation? We're never satisfied. Only in America would someone say, "Y'know what? This vanilla ice cream ain't good enough! Let's make it chocolate! Then, let's put SPRINKLES on it. Fuck bowls too. Fry us up some whaffle, and let's make ourselves a cone! -- Then we'll grind it all up and call it a milkshake. And then, we'll pour coffee in it, and call it a Mocha Frappachino." I'm fairly confident that's how it all went down.

Cheers America.

Edit: I forgot about dumping ice cream into Root Beer and calling it a "Root Beer Float". Nothing more American than a Root Beer float - our boys in Japan practically survived off of them.